Attachment is word that you hear a lot in child development and this pursuit of proximity can be seen everywhere. We can see them in chemistry, in physics and in biology. We are drawn to closeness and to be near and it is beautiful to see how this unfolds in babies, childhood and onto adulthood. Dr Gordan Nefueld talks about the 6 stages of attachment and how we spontaneously fall into these attachments when the environment is conducive and we maintain ‘soft’ hearts. The stages are: Senses, sameness, belonging/loyalty, significance, love and then being known.
Here is a story as to how this attachment might unfold with a warm and safe environment. Have a read and get curious about where you may be with your attachments and if you might be stuck at any stage:
I am your dad. I am your D-A-D, Dad.
I am your dad. I am your D-A-D, Dad.
What would you like to call me – DAD? DADDY? PAPA? PAPI? PA? DA DA? PA PA?
Here I am, being DAD
DAD – Why DAD? Who is that DAD? Fix this DAD? Tie up my shoelaces DAD? How does that train work DAD? What’s inside clouds DAD? These are some of the thing that you might say to me growing up.
Normally you can find me next to MUM, but sometimes we are apart. I am your DAD.
Look at my big hands and my huge arms and my big clumpy feet. One day you will grow up to be this big, maybe BIGGER, maybe a little smaller, but you will grow UP and nature has great plans for you and I’m excited to see what nature has planned for you.
And as you grow up I want you to remember that I am your DAD. D-A-D, DAD.
First of all you’re want to be close to me. You will want to be near me, to touch me, to smell me, to hear me and to be with me. Wherever I go, you will want to go too. And I’ll be close to you. You’ll want to look at me doing my work. Watch me singing songs. Hug me reading a story. Hold me close as you nap. Whatever is happening you will want to be close to me.
And as you get close to me I want you to remember that I am your DAD, D-A-D, DAD
Next, you’ll want to be the same as me. You’ll want to eat all the foods that I eat. You’ll want to watch all the things that I watch. You’re want to dance to all the music that I dance to. You’ll want to sing all the same songs that I like to sing. You will want to play all the games that I like to play and you will want to enjoy all the things that I enjoy.
And as you explore all the things that I like I want you to remember that I am your DAD, D-A-D, DAD
Soon, you’ll realise that you belong to me and that I belong to you. We’ll be walking down the street and you’ll say ‘This is my DAD’ and you’ll tell everyone proudly and I’ll tell everyone that ‘you are my child’ and we will walk together and know that we belong together. We’ll play games together and make jokes and you’ll say – that’s my hat, that’s my floor, that’s my moon, that’s my sun and you’ll understand that somethings are yours and somethings are not yours but one thing that you will learn is that you are my child and I am your Dad.
And as you realise that we belong with each other I want you to remember that I am your DAD, D-A-D, DAD
After this, you will notice how important and special you are to me. You’ll paint pictures and your drawings will be so special they will go on the fridge and your paintings will be so important that we will put them in an envelope and send them to your Nanny and Dandad. And you’ll make very important cakes for birthdays and write really special notes to share and when you jump on the bed it will be really important that I watch you. And you’ll see that you are special.
And as we both realise how special we are for each other I want you to remember that I am your DAD, D-A-D, DAD
And soon after this you’ll give me your heart and I’ll give you my heart and you will know that I will look after it and that I will take special care of it and that I will treasure your heart and keep it soft. And you’ll draw me pictures and on those pictures there will be lots of hearts and I’ll know that I have your heart and I’ll be very grateful that you have given it to me and that you can love and I can hold your love.
And as we both give our hearts to each other I want you to remember that I am your DAD, D-A-D, DAD
And finally you will let me get to know you and you will share some of your secrets with me and tell me what’s going on for you and as you grow up you can tell me all of your experiences and I’ll be able to see you from the inside out and I will know you and get to know you as you grow older and become a bigger child and a bigger teenager and a bigger adult. And over all those years until I will know you and see you change and find out more things about you and each thing that I find out will be very special to me.
And as you grow up and I get to know you I want you to remember that I am your DAD, D-A-D, DAD
To find out more about my work in Education, my stories and Compassionate Inquiry click through to my website www.joeatkinson.co.uk and feel free to contact me on mail@joeatkinson.co.uk