Story
Rule Number Seven
A police chief and a senior politician were holding a meeting on the top floor of police HQ. About twenty minutes into their meeting, the door burst open and a uniformed policewoman entered completely oblivious to the two men. She was shouting and raging. She was cursing and swearing and quite clearly rather irritated about something or someone.
The police chief intervened. “For goodness’ sake woman, pull yourself together. Remember RULE NUMBER SEVEN!”
At these last three words, the policewoman stopped as if awakened from a trance. She looked at the senior office and said, “I’m terrible sorry, Sir!'‘ She straightened up, took a deep breath, and with a smile on her face left the office with calmness and dignity. Not forgetting to close the door quietly behind her.
“Impressive,” said the politician, as the two men continued their conversation.
Some twenty minutes later, the door burst open again and a plain clothes detective entered completely oblivious to the two men. He was shouting and raging. He was cursing and swearing and quite clearly rather irritated about something or someone.
The police chief intervened. "“For goodness’ sake man, pull yourself together. Remember RULE NUMBER SEVEN!”
At these last three words, the detective stopped as if awakened from a trance. He looked at the senior officer and said, “I’m terrible sorry, Sir!” He straightened up, took a deep breath, and with a smile on his face left the office with calmness and dignity. Not forgetting to close the door quietly behind him.
“Truly impressive,” said the politician. “Tell me, what is RULE NUMBER SEVEN?
“As you see, RULE NUMBER SEVEN is transformational,” replied the police chief. “And it’s really very simple. RULE NUMBER SEVEN is: Don’t take yourself so goddam seriously.”
“I see.” There was a pause, “and what are the first six rules?”
“There aren’t any others.”
Story taken from ‘The Salmon of Knowledge’ by Nick Owen
5 Things to Ponder
We all get angry with our children at times and society is built with the core principles of pressure and stress so it’s no wonder that we experience anger and frustration with our children. Here are my 5 things to ponder when getting curious about your own frustration and anger:
Don’t take their behaviour personally - Challenging behaviour is not personal to you, so don’t make it. Children aren’t targeting you on purpose, they don’t have an agenda. If you think they are doing it on purpose just to annoy you recognise this belief and drop it. It’s just your mind trying to cling onto this anger.
Reframe the experience - ‘Terrible twos?’ ‘F@£&ing threes?’ If children with the arbiters of language it might be the ‘obnoxious thirties’ or the ‘F@£&ing forties’. What’s it really like for them to have us as parents when we are angry and frustrated. Think about what it might be like. to experience. Maybe think back to your own childhood and what it was like for you? If you can’t remember think about a child you know being present to anger. What might it be like for them?
Locate your own pain - Eckhart Tolle says that ‘behind anger there is always pain’. What’s the pain that your carrying around that may be manifesting into anger and frustration. This can be a hard thing to sit with and contemplate, but if you’re open and curious you might make some discoveries. Find out more about your own pain, and the anger might not be so necessary anymore.
Look past the trigger -There is a lot of talk these days about being triggered. Are your children triggering you? Does your anger and frustration arise with certain things more than others. Are you trying to control your environment so you don’t get triggered? Start to look past the trigger and more closely at this metaphor. The trigger is an important part of a gun yes, but it’s only part. Why are you carrying a gun in the first place? What type of gun is it? A spud gun or a machine gun? Why is it loaded? Ask yourself these questions.
Be kind to yourself - If you’re reading blogs like these and have got to the end of mine then part of you is striving for change, wants to do something about it and is curious to find out more. Engage with that part of you, be thankful and show it gratitude. Does shame creep in after an episode of anger/frustration. How about guilt? Watch out for it, recognise it, but don’t engage with that part. It’s going to happen again and again. OK. Accept that and be kind to yourself.