Our children trigger us in many ways. To be triggered is when something happens that causes a strong emotional reaction within us that is out of proportion to what actually happened. It’s a word that I hear parents say a lot when talking about their children and depending on your level of awareness you will notice that, especially with children, they trigger us a lot.
Another way it can be put is ‘they push all my buttons’, ‘drive me up the wall’,’make me crazy’ etc.
Parenting triggers could be:
Crying
Whining
Tantrums
Disobediant/non-compliance
Siblings fighting
Signs that you have been triggered could be:
Excessive anger out of proportion to situation
Deep sadness or upset after your child did something
(there will be many more triggers and signs)
The ‘trigger’ Metaphor
If you think about the image of a trigger, it’s a small part of a weapon and just to focus on the trigger would mean you miss the whole mechanism of the gun that the trigger is part of. A common reaction in our society would be to focus on the triggers, maybe try and limit the causes, try to control reactions/behaviours, reduce symptoms etc.
But I would like to invite you to get more curious about the complete image of the gun. Being triggered also means that you’re carrying around a loaded gun with you. So when you notice yourself getting triggered the deep learning that you might be able to gain from it will always come from taking a step back and being curious, compassionate and calm.
This is not to make you wrong for feeling the way you do and your perception of what happened could be and often is completely accurate. E.g. It can be frustrating when your child screams as loud as they can. The issues come more, when you identify these perceptions with the strong emotional reactions that come with them. To identify means to ‘make the same as’ and so we want to be curious if this strong emotional reaction could really be coming from somewhere else.
Be at least as interested in your reactions as in the person or situation that triggers them,” Eckhart Tolle
Notice these reactions, patterns and perceptions. It’s in this light that we can thank our children for guiding us to this awareness. Although that can take some time to get your head around and of course you might not feel gratitude when you're experiencing a trigger, BUT if you’re open enough you’ll be able to learn something about yourself.
If you notice that you are being triggered a lot by your children then Compassionate Inquiry can be a great way to uncover what is at the root to those reactions and help you build more calm and attuned relationships with your children.
To find out more book a free 15 minute consultation with me - mail@joeatkinson.co.uk
and visit www.joeatkinson.co.uk / www.compassioanteinquiry.com