What does it mean to be bored?
I notice that a lot of children express being bored and as parents we are not always sure what is going on and can be at a bit of a loss as to why..
The first thing we tend to go to is - It must be a problem outside of us so maybe it’s be a lack of stimulation? So let’s look at the activities around him/her. Can we try something new? What does she like doing? What could make it more exciting? etc.
But, aren't we living in the most over-stimulated society of all time. There cannot of been a time in our history where our children had so many choices of different things to do. This can also be a source of frustration for those who remember having less in their own childhood. So can it really be all about stimulation?
Definition
Being bored is defined as ‘feeling weary and impatient because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity.’
Originally ‘to bore’ means ‘to make a hole in something’.
It’s interesting looking back at the history of some words because sometimes it’s almost as if we have lost something from the language. Being bored is a bit like being stuck in a hole. It’s as if something is missing and you just don’t know what it could be. In this light being bored can stand for many things, because there are a lot of things that can go missing in our lives. In this sense we can take a closer look at what’s happening in our children internal world and put less focus on the external activities and things around them.
what could this hole represent?
I invite you to get more curious when your child says that he is bored. What could be missing in their life at that moment?
It’s likely that saying they are bored is the only way they have of expressing that something is missing and that on some level they might not actually be aware of it themselves. It’s with curiosity and compassion that you can inquire as to what it could be. Get curious about your own sense of boredom when you experience it and what that hole could be for you.
A common reason for saying you’re bored could be a lack of closeness with an attachment relationship. A yearning to have more closeness with someone or something that you have become attached too. So next time the word boredom gets mentioned, invite your child into your presence and sit with them. Be in the hole with them and see what it’s like.
Maybe they could draw their boredom?
Maybe the boredom might be an animal? If so, which one would it be?
Would it be a colour?
If you find out what they might be yearning for or missing and help them to express it then it is likely that some emergent energy will come forth and there will be no problem in finding something interesting for them to do. It is far more empowering when you fill these holes with what comes from within rather then what comes from outside. And to do that with our children, they need time and space and a sense of being held within the context of a relationship.
Find out more about my work with parents/children and compassionate Inquiry at www.joeatkinson.co.uk