Story
Wake Up
A man dreamed that he was walking along a beach with the Creator of the Universe. Across the screen of the sky, sketches of his life flashed by. In every scene, two tracks could clearly be seen etched in the sand, one belonging to him, the other to his maker.
As the final scene of this celestial movie unfolded, he pressed the pause button and took time to look back along his timeline etched as footprints in the sand. As he did so, he noticed that there were several occasions along his life’s journey where only one set of footprints could be seen. And these were usually at the very lowest and saddest moments of his life.
He felt puzzled and somewhat let down by the realisation. So he questioned the Maker of All Things about it. ‘My Lord, you promised that once I had chosen to follow your Way you would always walk beside me. But now that I look back upon my life’s journey I see that during my most challenging and troubling times, only one set of footprints appears. Why, when I needed you most, did you forsake me?”
And the Source of All Life replied, “My son, my precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, where now you see only one set of footprints, it was then I carried you.”
(More Magic of Metaphor - Nick Owen)
We all have our own ways of supporting for ourselves. I use compassionate Inquiry in my work with parents to help uncover hidden beliefs and get to the root courses of whatever problems they may be having. Sounds counter-intuitive at first perhaps doesn’t it. Why do I need the support? I want to put as much as possible into helping my child. As you read this you may find that you start getting quite defensive. If that is you then drop that defence just for now and be open and curious as to the other ways you can support your child. To find out more about Compassionate Inquiry and my work with parents please have a look around the website.
You are their support - As parents you are the support, the love and that holding relational connection that your children have to make sense of what’s going on. If you can do some work on yourself during challenging times, understand your own triggers and your own issues then the more calm and attuned presence you can offer your children as their support. A calm and attuned presence is the best gift you can give a child.
Self-compassion - It’s easy to help others but much harder to help ourselves. It’s easy to overlook ourselves when times are tough and focus on ‘the other’. Of course this is part and parcel of the parental role for most of the time, but it’s important to remember ourselves, in particular when times are tough. So be courageous and take action to directly support YOU.
All the information is out there already - Whatever the problem, it seems like in this day and age, the information to solve it is out there. We might all have different paths but there is something out there for everyone that works. It’s easy to look something up, do some research and you can start problem solving. But, even though it is easier now then it has ever been to find solutions to problems, the problems still seem to persist and in some cases are getting worse. So, there must be something missing. The deeper we allow ourselves to go, the more chance we have of finding those solutions and to do that work we might need to ask for some support.
Unconscious Beliefs - We construct beliefs about ourselves from a very early age as coping mechanisms. One common belief is that ‘I am not worthy’. If things happened in your life growing up that demonstrated that you are not worthy then it’s easier to form the belief about yourself (I am not worthy) than it is to deal with he pain of being worthy and it not being reflected in your environment. If you recognise this belief in yourself then you’re likely to have some resistance to seeking support for you. After all, that belief has helped you out before. It’s important to challenge these beliefs now. They may have served you once, but are they still serving you? If you’re reading this blog post then the chances are there is something within you that recognises that you are worthy. How would you act without that belief?
The problem is over there - If all the support is set up around your child then what message is that giving them. No matter that the support is coming from a loving and benevolent place. They could start to pick up on the underlying message that they are the problem. And it’s not nice growing up with he message that you are the problem. By actively seeking and getting support for yourself, this message is watered down and it might help to shift some of the burden from your child.
If you are interested to find out more please get in touch with me - mail@joeatkinson.co.uk. I work with families and parents using Compassionate Inquiry to gain a deeper understanding of some of the problems that you are experiencing in your life.