Story
Go With the Flow
A man accidentally fell into a fast-flowing river. A little downstream of the point where he entered the water were treacherous and turbulent rapids leading to a huge and powerful waterfall that dropped steeply down over rocky outcrops into a deep and dangerous pool.
Those who watched the drama thought he had no hope. So they were amazed to see him pop up from murky waters of the deep pool and swim leisurely to the bank without an apparent care in the world.
Asked about his experience, and how he overcame all the dangers of the river, he said: ‘I simply became one with the water. I behaved as if I was the water and the water was me. I did not try to overcome it, or fight it, or bend it to my will. I shaped myself to water, and the water shaped itself to me. I embraced its force and its force embraced me. And so I survived’
(The Salmon of Knowledge by Nick Owen)
5 things to Ponder
There are a number of traits to ADD/ADHD including: poor attention skills, easily distracted, forgetfulness, poor impulse control, hyperactivity of the body (the H in ADHD), disorganisation and selectively poor memory. Diagnosis have risen dramatically across the globe in our generation.
Make space for being distracted/tuning out - This is an automatic process and it’s not something that can necessarily be controlled. Whether you know someone with ADD/ADHD or are that someone, make space and allow it to happen. Don’t take it personally or make a big deal of it when you do notice it happening. Treat tuning out with respect and make sure you give it space.
Sensitivity - it’s likely that you recognise some of the ADHD traits in yourself or someone else that you are dealing with someone who is extra sensitive to their environment. One of the functions of tuning out is if you’re dealing with something difficult or painful. If you’re extra sensitive then this acts as a wonderful coping mechanism. The more sensitive you are, the more easily you might get hurt and the more defences you might need to put up.
Attachment Needs - When working with children with ADD/ADHD keep attachment needs in the foreground of whatever you are doing. Maintaining relationship and safety is so important to children and adults with ADD/ADHD and if you do lose the relationship or the safety at any time (no-one is perfect) then it is your reasonability to get it back. Provide calm, attuned interactions as much as you can.
Counterwill - Counterwill is the instinctive reaction of a person to resist being controlled. This is very much alive in people with ADHD/ADD. Don’t misinterpret it as a deliberate challenge to authority or a testing of your limit otherwise it might ensure a power struggle.
Developmental problem not disease - If you look at it as a developmental issue then the question isn’t how do you treat the symptoms? But how do you promote healthy development? So instead of focusing on what you can do to your child to alleviate the symptoms, you can look at what you can do for yourself to aid their development. How can you provide those calm, attuned interactions, not take their behaviour personally etc. This will involve some inquiry into your own personal reactions and life. If you're an important person in their life then they will look to you for love and support so the more you can do to balance and support yourself during, the greater the gift you will be able to give to them.
If you’re curious to find out more about ADD/ADHD then I can recommend ‘Scatterd - How Attention Deficit Disorder originates and What You Can Do About It’ by Dr. Gabor Maté. One of the most comprehensive books about ADD/ADHD out there.